How deep do you feel emotions? Do you think that you have any control over your emotions? Not control in terms of what you show to others, but control of what you truly, actually, deeply feel?
I have met people who have come across as so intense that their gaze almost hurts. I have met other people who are so shuttered that I have wondered if they have any emotion at all.
Maybe they are better at hiding things, or maybe they really feel little.
Me, I tend to be very reactive in my emotions. Its pretty evident in my writing.
I used to try to guard myself against being hurt by hiding and/or denying the feelings that made me feel uncomfortable. It was a defense mechanism I used during my parents’ divorce when I was a teenager and one that I still use to some degree with my mother.
But other than that, I tend to wear feeling out on my sleeve and in broad daylight. I can’t imagine hiding wonderful feelings of love or joy or happiness. However when I was younger, I was always scared to show positive emotion because I always just ‘knew’ that if I admitted to being happy or loving or whatever, something bad would happen.
I am glad that I have finally shed that destructive superstition.
My motto these days is to tell people how I feel when I feel positive towards someone. Does that make me emotionally intense, or just emotionally self-actualized? Some might claim obsessed, I suppose now I think about it. I make a habit of telling people that I appreciate them, or thanking people for helping me, or whatever positive thing I can think of. I like to brighten people’s days and I think that sharing a positive emotion is good for both parties involved.
And when someone hurts me, or I am angry, sad whatever…well, I am working on being able to verbalize those feelings. It’s hard though, isn’t it? I am going thru a time with my mother now where she is ‘punishing’ me and my sister because we nicely informed her to stop some behaviors that were unacceptable to us. That is the story of my life with my mother, so its not unexpected. But its also the reason why I am usually not very good at verbalizing the negatives.
So how do you react to others? How do you define your emotions-reactive? intense? well-hidden?
And how does your emotional response affect not only others, but you?
Do you think its healthy to deny emotions? Do you gulp them down in the name of keeping peace? Are you scared to tell someone that you care?
Jun 12
Ahhh, the emotions. I have a problem with only wanting to feel them when they feel good.
I’d say my emotions keep pretty well hidden. Even in blogging, I tend to hold back. I have to say, though, I’ve been told them when I show or express love, that it can be really intense. I’m not talking sex, I’m talking just allowing feelings of love to flow. At the same time, I’m often afraid to tell others how much I care about them. Fear of rejection still deeply embedded.
As for the healthy part, I think it’s okay to not ‘express’ them, but when you hold in something for a long time and it becomes a problem, for YOU, then it becomes unhealthy.
I feel for you with your mother. I go through the same thing. One of my biggest issues is not showing her my happiness, for fear that she’ll try and tear it apart.
This is an excellent blog. Really great questions that I needed to hear.