The D Spot

I woke up this morning and realized
I’ve let too much time go by
I opened my eyes, can finally see
I lost the forest in the trees.

I’ve wasted so much energy
looking too far outside of me
now the answers clear to see
I’m right where I need to be

So to fantasies I’ll say goodbye
And defer my dreams to future times
What’s yet to come is a mystery
but for now here’s where I’ll be
I found myself, my love, you see
And maybe someday you’ll look for me
but for now here’s where I’ll be
Im in the forest, behind the trees.

“I don’t have a ring yet,” he said.
“Its okay,” I replied. “I don’t need a ring anyway.”
“I wish I had something to give you, though. To make it real.”
I looked at him, squinting in the bright sun. “It is real!” I said. “Its you and me and the sunshine and the flowers…what else do we need?”
He shrugged. “Don’t you want something to show your friends?”
I reached out and pulled his face to mine until we were nose-to-nose. “No I don’t!” I said firmly. “I have you, and we are going to be together forever. That’s all I need. Ever.”
He kissed me then, slow and soft and as hesitant as if we’d first met.
Pulling back with a smile, he said “Hold on, I have an idea.”
I watched as he got up and started moving thru the tall grass and wildflowers, looking down as if searching for something.
Soon enough he picked a tall wild daisy and brought it back to me. “Give me your left hand,” He said. When I did, he gently wrapped the daisy’s stem around my ring finger, winding it so that the flowerhead sat where a diamond would have, and securing the stem around my finger. “There,” he said with a smile. “Now we’re really engaged.”
I stretched my hand out, admiring the crisp white petals and buttery center of the wildflower. “Its perfect,” I said, drawing him close again for a kiss. “Just perfect,” I whispered just before our lips met.

He looked at me and the tenderness in his eyes nearly made me weep. Taking my hand firmly in his own large one, he licked his lips before speaking. “You know I love you, don’t you?”
I swallowed, fear rising in my throat. Don’t those words usually portend something bad? I nodded my head and his fingers gripped mine tighter.
“I don’t know when it first started,” he said, his gaze locked intently on mine. “I think it was the first time I saw you. The sunlight in your hair, the way your eyes crinckle in the corners when you smile…I was dead in the water the first time I laid eyes on you.”
I smiled and nodded. “I remember,” I said. “It was the same for me.”
He smiled in return. “I don’t know where I”d be today without you,” he said, huskily. My eyes welled up again, my heart was throbbing in my chest.
My need for him was so strong, it hurt. A wrenching, churning somewhere between my heart, stomach and soul. I just needed his strong arms around me. As if reading my mind, he pulled me to him, and as I fell into his solid chest, I heard his heart trip-hammering the same as mine.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“And I you,” he replied.
I knew in that moment what I’d always suspected.
This is what it felt like to be truly loved. He remembered our first meeting and he smiled when he thought of it.
His warm hands holding mine, his strong heart beating in his chest.
I sighed and smelled the faint smell of laundry detergent from his clothes and another deeper scent that was him. The scent that I could lavish in all day, every day.
Out of the blue, the tears I’d previously blinked back spilled over and began to run down my cheeks, wetting his shirt.
He startled and pulled away, looking at me with concern. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a tremor in his voice. “Are you okay?”
I nodded emphatically, the tears making my vision blur. “I’m fine. Really fine. Everything is perfect” I said, meaning it with all my heart. “I just love you so much.” I managed to say.
I blinked and noticed that his eyes had teared up as well. He drew me to him again. “I will never let you go,” He said into my hair. “I promise I’ll be with you always, love you no matter what. Promise me that you won’t ever leave me.”
“I promise,” I sighed, my voice shaky. Stronger than any wedding vows we’d ever make, this promise would bind us together forever. I knew this in my soul.

Walking to my car in the dark last night
air like wet wool, pressing against my skin
A slow drip of moisture down my throat, between my breasts.
Lighting flashes, strobe-like around and above me.
In the distance, a far off rumble of thunder, a warning
of things to come.
I walk faster.
Shapes near me, hovering at the edges of my vision yet I
dare not turn my head or give them reason to notice me.
Cigarette smoke wafts past me,
the acrid scent sticking to me in the damp heat.
I make it to my car at last,
surviving yet another long dark walk.
The rain starts as I turn my key.

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

There are so many definitions, so many different meanings, inferences, references and ideas…
I love so many people in so many different ways.
It varies from moment to moment sometimes.
And if I tell you I love you it can mean so much…
layers upon layers and
mixed up emotions.
There are some that I love off and on
and some that I love to the depth of my soul.
There are some that I love so much that it makes me cry
and others who’s love has been withheld so long that I barely register the feeling anymore.
Love is patient and kind and all that stuff..
but it burns and it hurts sometimes too.
Or it leaves an emptiness when not returned;
Sometimes you don’t notice it until you feel the lack of it,
Or the separation from the one you love.
It brings you to your knees
in agony or ecstasy.
It brings tears to your eyes
in joy or sorrow.
Love is elusive, slippery when wet
and oh so good when returned.
I don’t know…I’m not a philosopher,
but neither am I a saint;
good old physical love is a good way to spend an afternoon or night.
I used to get love and lust all mixed up, back in the day.
Hell, its easy when the hormones are raging.
Now I learned you can love and lust, and they can
be the same or different,
even within the same person to whom you are attracted.
I don’t know…
I’d love to hear other ideas…
how do you define love?

Statistically speaking, I should be able to figure this out.
Statistically speaking, coefficient, sum of squares, linear equations should have a theorhetical probability of making sense to me.
Statistically speaking, I got my X axis knotted up on my Y axis and now my
data is a bivariate and I think it needs counseling.
Statistically speaking, I am supposed to be smart but
statistically speaking, I am dumber than a rock.

My skin aches for the gentle caress that has less to do with lust
and more to do with intimacy.
That soul-touch, that
unflinching eye contact that
plays music in the heart.
Only once have I heard that music…
The second half the missing piece
the coda on my symphony…
Looking looking always looking…
seeking something that likely will reside
in the end
in me.
She says She won’t be found without until She
is found within…Mother Goddess…
and if she is love
then my own love as well
my hidden secret symphony…
cannot be found until I find the same
in my own soul.
I just wish I had a little help.

white hot searing lights
cool chills and flashes of heat that grow
more and more
intense.
Hands grabbing, seeking purchase
as mind and body take flight.
there is a loss of self and sense of place
time is all time and only
right now.
a rising and then deep drop
a rollercoaster, if you will.
breathing rushes, pulse quickens
nerves tense like
well-stretched rubber bands
threatening to break and
oh, desire the break.
shivers turn to shakes turn to
sighs
warmth surrounds, suspends, envelops
self is gone
drowing sense is all that is left somewhere
left of the stars and
beyond that fabled rainbow.
Floating floating and then slowly drifting
down
to
earth.
Praying to be caught
and held
in strong arms.