The D Spot

so this is a real shame when I am all dressed up showered, powdered, lotioned, made up, blown dry with red hot-mama nail polish on and some sparkly jewelry……
just to go buy the damn cat food.

well the dreams have nearly stopped.
Im back to dreaming of symbols and signs
and random acts of weirdness.
No more waking breathless
with need and anticipation.
No more mooning around and wondering
‘what if’.
I ran away in high school, I can’t do it again.
Its sad, sometimes, being a grownup.

It comes upon me on nights like this
soft jasmine breeze and citronella brushes my skin like
a feather of a kiss.
Lonliness is silly when you sleep but feet from me
and could I cross those mere inches, curl up into your warmth and
lose myself to sleep…
well then everything would be just fine.
But nights like these
leave me wishing wondering waiting for something
I have never had, and fear I never will.
There is a longing in the warm nights
a pulling of the heartstrings to feel deeper
love truer
find true love and the true lover…
As a teenager I would sit in my window, holding my cigarette in one hand
pen in the other and journal on my lap
writing writing in fair to good rhyme
waiting to be older, to have the sweetness promised by the jasmine breeze.
And here I am now
older
wiser
and no more closer to finding my hearts desire than I was back then.
I think the main problem is in the
not knowing.
uncertainty is the line of my life
Future unguaranteed and tomorrow only as good as
the paper the calendar is printed on.
Sighing I turn to bed
If not heart’s desire, perhaps I will at least find some comfort.

spirit guide angel soulmate or lover
what does it matter, one from the other?
I crave and I cry with a whisper of sighs
and yet I’ll be alone
until the day I die.
Such tragic verse! So morose a view!
I can imagine it now
how
I’ve alienated you.
So run screaming for shelter and hide in the shade
I’m drenched in the mess of the life I have made.
There’s no truth in the garden no clearance of path
My feelings can harden, I can weep or just laugh
Im lost with no map…
Soulmate or lover or friend or acquaintance
Im just such high-maintenance.
Im not surprised that no one is home
Im not surprised to find myself alone.
Im shivering and sad to the bone
Waiting and watching while tears softly weep
How much I miss you
The one I never knew….
The one I have yet to meet.