I was watching a show that discussed emotional infidelity—having an ‘affair of the heart’ without necessarily moving to the physical level. The consensus was that an emotional affair is worse than a physical affair. (assuming one can split the two, of course).
They said 97% percent of the women surveyed felt that an emotional affair would likely lead to a physical affair.
Warning signs that you are entering dangerous waters include increasing your communication with this person, thinking about this person a lot, and fantasizing about that person. The experts on the panel also said that often, a person enters an emotional affair when the sex life at home has fizzled out a bit.
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Ok
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So, I start to thinking (always dangerous)…
What if a person is having all the physical encounters they want and need at home, but is searching for intimacy/friendship? What if the primary relationship does not lend itself to sharing secrets, joys, pains, etc?
How is it bitching to your best girlfriend different from bitching to your best guy friend?
I am one that is against ‘male bashing’ and ‘husband bashing’. I think its mean and cruel.
But I imagine that sometimes, a person has an issue they would want to talk about, or is not receiving the emotional support they need at home.
I suppose there is always therapy. But a therapist costs money, and a therapists goal is going to be to teach you to rely on yourself.
What if you just want a sympathetic ear? Is that emotional infidelity?
And what if you do fantasize about another person? Does that make you a cheater? Does it matter if its Brad Pitt vs. the sexy guy who delivers your mail? Does it matter if its a stranger or a person you’ve known your whole life?
so here I can be who and what I want. There I am being edited and changed around.
“too repetetive” she said.
“You can’t start a sentence with the word ‘but’”
Ok fine but they are journal entries dearie, and you said you like my style.
Here I will be what and who I want.
I might be your best friend or your worst enemy.
I might be the meanest person you ever met,
or the most loving and caring person you can imagine.
I might be the saddest story you’ve ever read, or
the best lay you’ve ever acheived.
I can be whoever (whomever) I want
and I can change it with the click of the mouse.
God, I love that edit button.
Did I tell you how often I dream of you?
Terrible dreams of passion and power.
Oh you would be so embarrassed if you saw inside my head
behind my eyes, where the night time visions grow.
I see you in so many situations
an unexpected meeting
a well-planned tryst
does it matter the place, of course not.
what matters is the heat
the skin to skin warm friction
hands
gripping your shoulders to pull you closer to me
my legs
around yours,
pulling you closer
drawing you deeper.
Your skin burning with the fire that I
have worked so hard to smoulder.
Oh these dreams
so real
So hot
so soft.
I swear when I wake up I can still feel your kiss on my lips
on my body and
I wish only to breathe your breath in real life
to fall into each other for just one moment
I dream nightly of your eyes
your smile
your touch
your kiss.
and each morning I awake somehow satisfied yet filled with more longing.
Aching to return to my dreamstate.
I ache crave crush for the sheer physical contact.
Rules be damned; we can deal with that later.
For now I beg for your touch, for your heat.
My skin craves the touch, my mouth the kiss
I crave to tell you of these nightime visions,
but I fear so much.
I’ve been told I come on a bit strong at times.
And if all I want to do is jump your bones
where does that leave the rest of you?
Sure I want to know you, hear you, listen to you love you
but tonight
damn
tonight I just want to do you.
and I trace my fingers gently across the line of your jaw
tipping my head back to look in your eyes.
your hands on my waist
our hips so close close closer
My fingers wrap in your hair
do you bend towards me or do I pull you?
does it matter anyway…
lips meet with sweet softness
chills and heat race thru me simultaneously.
You breathe deep, arms tighten
I melt into you
and awaken
sweat-drenched and lonely
my hands clenched in useless fists.
its like the waking in the middle of the night, breathless and sweaty with the pillows on the floor and the covers tangled around your ankles. The dream leaving you wrapped in silken darkness and prisoner of your own solitude.
Or its like the gasping after swimming, coming up from the deep darkness of the river bottom to the dappled sun above, breaking thru the water in a spray of cold droplets.
Its like the flutter in your stomach, when you get that electric jolt from someone you accidentally touch. You turn and they are gone but the electricity remains. If you are lucky you made eye contact. If you are really lucky you find out you already know them.
Its like the crawling, grasping hunger that you feel that is not related to food. Its a wish, its a crave, its a crush.
It is its own best friend and it drives you harder, further, longer into uncharted territories.
It grabs your stomach your heart your lungs…it steals your hunger and lightens your head.
It makes you want to dance, to sing, to scream, to cry. And all at the same time.
It sneaks up on you when you don’t expect it, overpowering your smarter senses, taking you to another place and filling your thoughts with thunder and lightning. You can only pray you aren’t driving when it shows up.
It makes your hair stand on end when you are in the shower.
It makes it hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to do anything but think of it. Desire and despair, wrapped together like a coiled snake in the dark. And you about to put your hand in its nest.
Willingly.
So the idea here is that what is morally wrong is not wrong if you don’t enjoy it, because then you are proving your morals are right.
But what if you enjoy what is morally wrong?
Then the enjoyment makes it wrong. But you do it anyway. Because you enjoy it.
So you can do whatever you want, as long as you don’t have fun.
But let’s face it, the things that are wrong are usually the most fun.
So then the next step is to follow the creed “An’ it harm none, do what ye will”
Ok so if you are doing something fun, even tho its wrong, and you aren’t hurting anyone, then its not wrong.
Sure.
Except that what if you are hurting yourself, by working against your morals?
But are you hurting yourself, if you are having fun?
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