The D Spot

I wish I wrote this dialog:

Philip: “Friends with benefits can be tough to pull off. I don’t have time for drama. But what the hell – You can be just the medicine I need.”
Chloe: “The best part is it goes down really easy.”

one minute I am soaring along on my tide of happy wishes and
rays of light and the next its like
a tidal wave these hormones…
controlling me and bringing me to my knees with
sharp pain and
inexplicable anger.
Don’t fucking talk to me when I feel like this because
I lose my ability to contain the truth.
Don’t you dare say anything that can even be slightly construed
as patronizing
or condescending because
I will jump down your throat before you even draw breath.
I sit and I stew and then get tangled up in
stupid girl-emotions and why
am I crying now, and why
was I so pissy then, and when
will this shit just
freaking
END.
For now the only cure
would be
Dove dark chocolate
and some really
hot
sex.
Oh well. Neither seem to be materializing
and I’m too pissed off anyway.
Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow.

came to me in a rush you did
I almost lost my breath
the kiss of air on the back of my neck,
a cool chill up my spine.
My hair stood on end and of course when I turned
there was no one there;
and yet
a girl can dream.
***********
and all the sudden the thoughts change
from that of pure and boring to
something a little more interesting
and way less pure.
Excitement and fear
where did that cool kiss on my neck come from after all?
**********
And somehow I know that even alone
my mind is rich and my imagination soars.
I miss you right now, and later…
I’ll miss you even more.
**
There is a lonliness in being alone

…and you ask me to speak what I’ve never before said and to describe that which I have no words to describe.
And I try and I can’t and I feel like
…I don’t know…
I don’t want to be stupid with you.
You don’t read these words and so Im safe to say here
I am willing to push boundaries for you and I try
and I am willing to say a hell of a lot to you and I try
and yet and yet and yet and yet
you ask me these things or
discuss these things or
say those things and
sometimes I feel like I am giving up a little part of me
or sharing secrets that have up to now been my burdens alone.
Yet here I have to ask to learn about you.
I want to know you.
I want to understand you and what you think.
What makes you cry? What makes you laugh?
And I don’t know and I wonder if I ever will.
and yet and yet and yet and yet
I still think I Just might do
anything
for you.

I can take it like a woman, babe.
Trust me.
I am strong and I am capable.
I can let your criticism roll off my back
and I can bypass your thinly-veiled
anger.
Hell
I can give it right back to you and better.
I can take it like a woman.
I can smile at you when you hurt me
I can swallow back tears with the best of them.
I can roam the internet, late at night,
searching for what you somehow can’t give me
or
don’t want to give.
I can fold your towels and wash your clothes
all with a determined, housewife air.
Inside though,
I am a woman and I am strong
I have thoughts, I have feelings.
I am smarter than you think–
smarter than I let on, most times.
So yeah, babe, I can take it like a woman.
I guess you’re the one who needs to worry now.

It comes upon me smoothly, like velvet across the delicate skin
at the base of the spine.
All at once I am consumed with chills, with fever.
My pupils dilate, and I am lost in the
dream again.
My shoulders rise with each breath
and I feel stirrings deep inside.
I breathe slowly, prolonging the moment
aching for the release but
consumed with the journey.
Breaths come quick now and my
hands clench and unclench
behind my closed lids I see you
In my soul I feel you and when it comes
I gasp.
The untouchable touch,
the sudden rise and fall,
again and again.
All without a word spoken or
the caress of skin.
All within the dream the haunting visions
of your eyes and body
as they consume mine
again and again.
I sigh in my release.

Somewhere in the ether, in the
cobwebs of desire,
somewhere between the could have beens
the want the loss the fire.
Somewhere in the darkness, or
behind the pregnant moon.
somewhere in the sometime
I think I once kissed you.

Did I tell you how often I dream of you?
Terrible dreams of passion and power.
Oh you would be so embarrassed if you saw inside my head
behind my eyes, where the night time visions grow.
I see you in so many situations
an unexpected meeting
a well-planned tryst
does it matter the place, of course not.
what matters is the heat
the skin to skin warm friction
hands
gripping your shoulders to pull you closer to me
my legs
around yours,
pulling you closer
drawing you deeper.
Your skin burning with the fire that I
have worked so hard to smoulder.
Oh these dreams
so real
So hot
so soft.
I swear when I wake up I can still feel your kiss on my lips
on my body and
I wish only to breathe your breath in real life
to fall into each other for just one moment
I dream nightly of your eyes
your smile
your touch
your kiss.
and each morning I awake somehow satisfied yet filled with more longing.
Aching to return to my dreamstate.
I ache crave crush for the sheer physical contact.
Rules be damned; we can deal with that later.
For now I beg for your touch, for your heat.
My skin craves the touch, my mouth the kiss
I crave to tell you of these nightime visions,
but I fear so much.
I’ve been told I come on a bit strong at times.
And if all I want to do is jump your bones
where does that leave the rest of you?
Sure I want to know you, hear you, listen to you love you
but tonight
damn
tonight I just want to do you.

It comes upon me on nights like this
soft jasmine breeze and citronella brushes my skin like
a feather of a kiss.
Lonliness is silly when you sleep but feet from me
and could I cross those mere inches, curl up into your warmth and
lose myself to sleep…
well then everything would be just fine.
But nights like these
leave me wishing wondering waiting for something
I have never had, and fear I never will.
There is a longing in the warm nights
a pulling of the heartstrings to feel deeper
love truer
find true love and the true lover…
As a teenager I would sit in my window, holding my cigarette in one hand
pen in the other and journal on my lap
writing writing in fair to good rhyme
waiting to be older, to have the sweetness promised by the jasmine breeze.
And here I am now
older
wiser
and no more closer to finding my hearts desire than I was back then.
I think the main problem is in the
not knowing.
uncertainty is the line of my life
Future unguaranteed and tomorrow only as good as
the paper the calendar is printed on.
Sighing I turn to bed
If not heart’s desire, perhaps I will at least find some comfort.

And if I was alone with you right now
and if I was able to show you,
really show you,
what I am capable of.
What would you do?
I fucking dare you,
my love.
Drop your defenses, your words, your silences and
your clothes.
Give me your best, let me give you mine.
I can let go, I can just be and become who I am
can you say the same?
Again I dare you
strip yourself down to your real self
Screw all the social rules and regulations.
Screw all the limits, there is only possibility.
Give me your best shot baby
Give me a chance is all I ask
I guarantee you haven’t met anyone quite like me.
I’ll ask you again, can you walk the fire with me?
Can you let yourself live in the moment alone?
Separate the ‘should’ from the ‘must’
Show me the heights and depths of
your lust.
I’ll climb you like a mountain until you beg
for more and
I’ll bring you to the edges and back again
Come on baby, just give me a chance.
I dare you.
I fucking dare you.