spirit guide angel soulmate or lover
what does it matter, one from the other?
I crave and I cry with a whisper of sighs
and yet I’ll be alone
until the day I die.
Such tragic verse! So morose a view!
I can imagine it now
how
I’ve alienated you.
So run screaming for shelter and hide in the shade
I’m drenched in the mess of the life I have made.
There’s no truth in the garden no clearance of path
My feelings can harden, I can weep or just laugh
Im lost with no map…
Soulmate or lover or friend or acquaintance
Im just such high-maintenance.
Im not surprised that no one is home
Im not surprised to find myself alone.
Im shivering and sad to the bone
Waiting and watching while tears softly weep
How much I miss you
The one I never knew….
The one I have yet to meet.
and I trace my fingers gently across the line of your jaw
tipping my head back to look in your eyes.
your hands on my waist
our hips so close close closer
My fingers wrap in your hair
do you bend towards me or do I pull you?
does it matter anyway…
lips meet with sweet softness
chills and heat race thru me simultaneously.
You breathe deep, arms tighten
I melt into you
and awaken
sweat-drenched and lonely
my hands clenched in useless fists.
i don’t know how to explain it but maybe its like
bubbles in a glass of champagne, or
maybe more like
the fizz when you drink it.
Tingly and warm against the roof of your mouth.
One minute we are talking tech and you are teaching me things and then
the next you are saying things
that get me so worked up I just about dissolve into my chair.
And I am left all warm/hot/cold with aching chills and you say
well goodnight hon.
And I am here and you are there and its a fun game for damn sure.
And it spices up my dreams and private moments.
but it leaves me wanting waiting craving
what if just once we made it real?
would it lose the tingle or make it worse
I would hope it would make it worse,
in a good way of course.
And yet here we are….words on a screen and
stupid smilies to convey things that can’t even be conveyed
in regular words.
Booty call me, baby, and I’ll make you feel so nice
I can make you forget all your problems for tonight.
You know my number and you know I have no price
so booty call me baby, I’ll keep you warm tonight.
the clothes are finally washed and folded
the suitcases back in the closet.
My sunburn is gone
and my hair back to its natural state.
Vacation is over for real and
I have just about forgotten the feel
of the sun on my face.
Bleary grey morning today in the great north
Work beckons with firm resolution.
Real life returns in fits and starts
Get the oil changed
wash the curtains.
Flip the mattress and don’t forget
the laundry.
Memories of sunscreen and
cartoon-bright colors are now
relegated to the occasional remembrance in the odd quiet moment.
Dreams of moon-scortched nights that haunted me
since we last met
have tapered down to once or twice now
And I don’t want to forget what it felt like to hug you
but
you are farther away now than you were before.
Lay me in soft grass and cover me with kisses
I’ll be your goddess if you’ll be my god.
Firelight glistens over the softness of skin
and fairies laugh in delicate glee as we
meet with the power of immortals.
Talk to me of inner dreams and secrets
stories for the moon to capture and
hang between the stars
A web of sacred thoughts and prayers
blessed and consecrated by our midnight joining.
Take my hand, let’s jump the flames
Desire tempered with longing and
moonlight in your eyes.
Lay with me in the grass my Lord
and let me be your Lady.
I don’t quite know who you are, you know…
yes you, the one I am always speaking to.
Don’t try to rationalize it away, okay?
I’ve been talking to you for as long as I remember
and I’ve yet to see your face.
I think you played with me as a baby
Ran with me as a child
Tempted me as a teenager, and now
Now you show up in my mind
my dreams
the words I write.
All grown up now, we are.
our games are grown up too
And still the conversation goes on.
Conversation, I guess that’s the polite word for it.
You change yourself a bit, of course.
Lately you’ve been tan and slightly muscled.
(Not that I’m complaining)
And you’ve been quite….
accomodating….
active…..
playful…
Every night lately when I sleep.
I swear sometimes I wake up with sore muscles
after a night of dreams with you.
(pleasantly sore, of course).
But you won’t show me your face
won’t give me your voice
and you wear different faces and different names
for different dreams or…
ahem…
conversations.
I think I”ve always been half in love with you,
whoever you are.
You are like
another part of me, waiting
just in the wings.
Was it you who took me flying?
I treasure our times together of course,
as frustrating as it can be sometimes.
But I wish I had you in real life
physically
and not just in dreams.
I have looked for you in every face
Felt for you in every set of arms that has held me
Sometimes I think I see you
behind these or those eyes
but
I wish I could see your face, and find out
who exactly you are.
I feel you come up behind me while I look out side the window.
Your arms around my waist, your lips hot upon my nape.
my legs buckle a little at the first contact of flesh to flesh.
Your kiss moves around my neck now and suddenly I am facing you.
Eye to eye, forehead to forehead
Hips pressed hard together
You kiss my mouth with dizzying greed,
your hands on either side of my head, holding me steady.
My legs buckle again,
lightning thru my soul,
arcing thru my flesh.
You lead me away from the window
and into the next room.
My heart pounds, my body throbs.
I absolutely ache for you.
Exquisite ache.
You lay on top of me and
I am breathless with desire.
Your skin on mine is like fire to fire
We both begin to burn and
our movements become faster,
our kisses more heated
Our touches more brazen.
Your fingers leave trails of
gently throbbing fire upon my skin.
The unnecessary clothes come off.
And just before,
Just before,
you gaze down at me.
I meet your eyes and I am lost.
I am melted into the bedspread, and I am held
captive by your eyes
even as my body is held willing
captive by yours.
You bring your lips to mine slowly
As our bodies meld together.
Face to face,
Heart to heart,
Hip to hip.
This time I am gone, far away
Sent spinning into the air and away from everything but
the sight sound scent feel of you.
I grasp your shoulders
I scratch your back.
You pin my hands above my head
with yours.
We are the only two souls in the universe right now.
its only us and the magic
the friction
the lightning.
This bed is our kingdom
This moment our salvation.
Sweet surrender and exquisite ache
building with such pressure
moving faster now and gaining momentum
surrender is required now and I
give myself over to it.
I will the release to come, and it does
with gasping
clutching clenching expansion
universes of light inside my head
explosions in my body;
white lightning between our
salt-stained skin
and anywhere that we
touch.
After,
when its over,
and I lay with my head on your chest,
I feel aftershocks of lightning
and I press my legs together and smile.
so all of this has felt like a feast of dreams.
a purging of the inner heat the inner demons the inner thoughts
and I am somehow free of burden
yet
buried under yet more questions.
is there more to this self-discovery
yet to unfold?
are there more secret stories
that are yet untold?
I sigh and turn in my bed at night and
dreams are broken into shards
I remember bits and pieces
things I don’t want to relive
things I never did
things I wish I did
things I did
Things I’ll never now get to do….
This feast of dreams both
waking and sleeping
I spent the last few days wandering between
the real life activities and responsibilities
and
the half-hidden thoughts ideas dreams
that dance on the periphery of awareness.
I pray my thoughts don’t mirror in my eyes.
The flush on my face is evident to all.
Just sunburn I say.
If they only knew.
The heat is like a warm wet blanket and I lay back on the chaise, my eyes closed against the late evening sun.
So it is that I hear the slight movement next to me, the sound of someone settling in next to me.
I sigh, and pull my towel closer in towards me. Damn neighbors, I think, before falling back into my summertime daydream of a hot night with a rockstar.
I hear a loud ping, and I am startled out of my pleasantry. I look beside me, where my neighbor has dropped his keys on the hot pavement.
“Sorry,” he says, sheepishly with a grin that can only be described as boyish. And quite possibly perfect.
I am flustered and feel heat rise in my chest and my neck. “Its okay” i manage to stammer. I watch, dumbfounded as a teenager, as he lays back on his chair with a sigh.
His skin is tan caramel, oiled with sunscreen and glistening iwth a light sheen of sweat that just begs for my my fingernail to trace a line. He is well-muscled and his bicepts call to me. What would it feel like in that embrace?
I try to shake it off, the rising and swelling of interest. I close my eyes but now my fantasy is around my myserious neighbor.
I construct the fantasy.
He bumps into me on the elevator.
I end up finding him in the grocery store.
We join the same club.
It goes on and on. I feel myself begin to stir. I feel the undercurrents of desire. I need to talk with this man.
I have to.
I open my eyes after planning a perfect opening line.
And he is gone.
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