Are any of you lucky enough to still remember your first kiss? The heart-wrenching will-he or won’t-he (or will-she or won’t-she) as you bravely looked into your partner’s eyes before taking the plunge.
That first gut-fluttering clench of excitement when you realized yes, this is it! It’s finally happening!
ahh that first kiss…
I remember my first kiss very well. I was 12 and I had my first boyfriend. We’d been ‘going out’ for a couple weeks…which is a heck of a long time in 6th grade! Anyway, the Big Moment came one day when he was visiting at my house and we’d somehow managed to sneak under my mother’s watchful radar.
The kiss itself was nothing spectacular…in fact, I wonder now if my boyfriend had been getting tutored in the art by his older brother because it was a little….sophisticated. And sloppy. And not so well-coordinated. Maybe on second thought he wasn’t being tutored…
But afterwards I was convinced, utterly and totally convinced, that it showed on my face that I’d been kissed. I thought it was stamped on my forehead in bright blue neon that Boyfriend and I had kissed.
I didn’t see skyrockets a la Brady Bunch…but I did feel different. Changed in some way.
A few years and a few boyfriends later, I figured out about the skyrockets of course. But that is a different story for a different day.
Paula Cole said it best in her plaintive, semi-angry hit several years ago.
But really, its not just the cowboys that have gone missing.
Its the heros, the prince charmings, the knights in shining armor…
Seriously.
Where’d they all go?
Swords, armor, and maces have been replaced with the tools of the modern age.
Magic mirrors and oracles have morphed into iPhones.
The trusty steed is now a 4-cylinder with great gas mileage and lots of trunk space.
And where does that leave us, the fair maidens, the modern-day princesses in peril?
Well, we fight our own battles now, conquering enemies in the boardrooms of the country while our knights are out playing golf with their buddies at lunchtime.
No longer need we rely on an outside rescuer to save us from danger. Nowadays, with tae bo and kickboxing and powerwalks…well, we can slay our own dragons, thankyouverymuch.
But still…
Wouldn’t it be fun, just once in a while, to find a prince charming ready to defend us? An occasional hero..someone to show up just when we need him and whisk us away to our very own happy ending, all the while ensuring we are home in time to get to work the next morning?
A fantasy I am sure, but one that I suspect many of us modern-day princesses hold onto in the backs of our minds.
I know I do.
Well now I’ve done some interesting reading about the whole twin-soul/soulmates thing. I’d kind of thought they were almost the same thing but there are some real differences.
Twin Souls are halves of the same whole, whereas soulmates are separate souls altogther.
Twin souls seek reunion with each other over the ages, soulmates enjoy being together in each other’s lives.
Twin souls, when they meet up and recognize who they are for each other, have a bond that is nearly undefinable and very open, very deep.
Soulmates have a loving bond too, but it can be friendship, familial or passionate. It is not as all-consuming as the twin-soul relationship.
You can have many soulmates, but only one twin soul.
Huh go figure.
Here are the links:
http://www.fromthestars.com/page122.html
http://www.fromthestars.com/page123.html
So I got one of those little personality tests via email yesterday and it looked really interesting. Can you really get deep insights about yourself from a 4 question quiz?
I figured what the hell and gave it a shot.
So first of course, I was prompted to make a wish. (don’t they all start like that?)
I ordered the animals, I described the given objects, I assigned colors to people I care about and then (for superstition sake, I am sure) gave my favorite number and day of the week. (which happens to be 4 and Wednesday, by the way).
Then I read the results.
Huh, I thought, some of it makes sense.
Apparently I am prideful and I put family before love, career or money. Ok, so I do put family first. But prideful? not so sure on that one. Don’t you have to have a certain level of high self-esteem to become prideful?
I see myself as loyal and my husband as smart.
I think my enemies are soft (whatever the heck that means).
I describe sex as warm, and I interpret my own life as a mother before any other label. Again, sort of I guess. (I use heat references in most of my writing to do with sex and the mother thing…yeah, thats me I suppose)
I will never forget my daughter, and I will remember my son always. (Thats kind of scary–are they going away somewhere??)
My stepmother is my true friend–I agree on that. She rocks.
I really love my husband (well most of the time haha)
and my cousin is my ‘twin soul’ (have to look that one up.)
And of course, if I sent the link to 4 people, my wish will come true on Wednesday.
I never claimed that I am not superstitious. I sent it to almost everyone in my address book who isn’t a work contact. Figured I may as well increase my odds.
Today is Tuesday. Be watching the news tomorrow for when I win the millions of dollars.
“I don’t have a ring yet,” he said.
“Its okay,” I replied. “I don’t need a ring anyway.”
“I wish I had something to give you, though. To make it real.”
I looked at him, squinting in the bright sun. “It is real!” I said. “Its you and me and the sunshine and the flowers…what else do we need?”
He shrugged. “Don’t you want something to show your friends?”
I reached out and pulled his face to mine until we were nose-to-nose. “No I don’t!” I said firmly. “I have you, and we are going to be together forever. That’s all I need. Ever.”
He kissed me then, slow and soft and as hesitant as if we’d first met.
Pulling back with a smile, he said “Hold on, I have an idea.”
I watched as he got up and started moving thru the tall grass and wildflowers, looking down as if searching for something.
Soon enough he picked a tall wild daisy and brought it back to me. “Give me your left hand,” He said. When I did, he gently wrapped the daisy’s stem around my ring finger, winding it so that the flowerhead sat where a diamond would have, and securing the stem around my finger. “There,” he said with a smile. “Now we’re really engaged.”
I stretched my hand out, admiring the crisp white petals and buttery center of the wildflower. “Its perfect,” I said, drawing him close again for a kiss. “Just perfect,” I whispered just before our lips met.
He looked at me and the tenderness in his eyes nearly made me weep. Taking my hand firmly in his own large one, he licked his lips before speaking. “You know I love you, don’t you?”
I swallowed, fear rising in my throat. Don’t those words usually portend something bad? I nodded my head and his fingers gripped mine tighter.
“I don’t know when it first started,” he said, his gaze locked intently on mine. “I think it was the first time I saw you. The sunlight in your hair, the way your eyes crinckle in the corners when you smile…I was dead in the water the first time I laid eyes on you.”
I smiled and nodded. “I remember,” I said. “It was the same for me.”
He smiled in return. “I don’t know where I”d be today without you,” he said, huskily. My eyes welled up again, my heart was throbbing in my chest.
My need for him was so strong, it hurt. A wrenching, churning somewhere between my heart, stomach and soul. I just needed his strong arms around me. As if reading my mind, he pulled me to him, and as I fell into his solid chest, I heard his heart trip-hammering the same as mine.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“And I you,” he replied.
I knew in that moment what I’d always suspected.
This is what it felt like to be truly loved. He remembered our first meeting and he smiled when he thought of it.
His warm hands holding mine, his strong heart beating in his chest.
I sighed and smelled the faint smell of laundry detergent from his clothes and another deeper scent that was him. The scent that I could lavish in all day, every day.
Out of the blue, the tears I’d previously blinked back spilled over and began to run down my cheeks, wetting his shirt.
He startled and pulled away, looking at me with concern. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a tremor in his voice. “Are you okay?”
I nodded emphatically, the tears making my vision blur. “I’m fine. Really fine. Everything is perfect” I said, meaning it with all my heart. “I just love you so much.” I managed to say.
I blinked and noticed that his eyes had teared up as well. He drew me to him again. “I will never let you go,” He said into my hair. “I promise I’ll be with you always, love you no matter what. Promise me that you won’t ever leave me.”
“I promise,” I sighed, my voice shaky. Stronger than any wedding vows we’d ever make, this promise would bind us together forever. I knew this in my soul.
the dream was that I was outside and it was cold…wintertime or there abouts. I look up and the plane is coming towards me, going east I believe. It is in the sky but falling. It falls at the horizon. I can’t hear it land but I know it is in the ocean. Tragedy.
I’m running and my breath is coming in short, sharp gasps. A pull in my left side threatens to stumble me but yet I cannot stop. I can feel his breath barely on the back of my neck and in my head I see again his eyes wide in anger and red with gin and rage. The growing in my stomach threatens to unbalance me but I keep going. I have to.
I set my focus on the big oak tree in the distance; if I can only get this far, I can climb the tree and in his drunken state he won’t be able to find me and even if he does, he won’t be able to climb the tree.
I am almost there when I trip on the tree root. I land on my stomach, hands out to protect myself and I feel my left wrist snap. Tears from my eyes yet I get up and I go and I go. My nightgown tangles around my ankles but I hear him now, calling my name and the names he calls me when no one is around.
I am almost to the tree when I look over my shoulder.
I see him in the moonlight, wavering with drink but still walking at a good clip. I shudder. He brought the shotgun.
I get to the tree and jump for the nearest low branch. I have done this many times before; this tree holds my secrets and I come here when I need to be alone. Now I come for succor.
I am high up in the branches when he gets to the tree. My heart is pounding so hard I think he must be able to hear it. I will the branches to protect me, the leaves to shield me from his insanity.
He stops under the tree, and I can tell he is scanning around, looking for me. He wipes his forehead with the dirty rag he keeps in his pocket. I almost gag; that’s the same rag he shoved in my mouth last time he caught me.
I am thinking he has maybe given up because he sits and leans his back against my tree. I want to shout at him; his filth and evil has no place in my haven.
I move a little and one single acorn falls off the tree. I watch in horror as it bounces off the bald spot on the top of his head. Almost like slow motion, he stands and looks up in the tree.
My treacherous nightgown near glows in the moonlight and I know by the humorless grin that he has found me.
He raises the shotgun and points it at me. “Get the hell down here, girl”
I instinctively take one step back, and the branch under me snaps. I am holding on with both hands and balancing on one foot. “Please,” I beg. “Please put the gun down.”
He sneers and I see his yellowed teeth. “You can’t bargain me, girl. I said get the hell down ‘fore I blast you down. You and that bastard you’re carrying.”
I instinctively grab my belly. Bastard indeed. He should know; he put it there.
“Please,” I say one more time as he levels the gun at my abdomen.
In slow motion I watch his finger line up on the trigger. I see the spark as the bullet flies out and drunk as he is, the bullet finds its home in my abdomen.
The world goes white and then black. “Daddy, please,” I think as I feel myself fall.
This is what I do. I put patients in their rooms, I start their IV’s and draw their blood. I hang their IV fluids and I send all kinds of their body fluids to the lab for various tests. I give them pills, injections, and IV pushes and I teach them about the medications as I give them. I change bandages. I check their blood sugar, their vitals and their EKGs. I give them crutches, braces, shoulder immobilizers and slings. And I teach them how to use them. I advocate for them when their pain is out of control and I medicate them as fast as possible. I call social work if they have issues with housing, abuse, money, insurance, transportation. I give them a turkey sandwich and milk for the road. I put their catheters in and take their catheters out. I measure their urine. I am interested in what their vomit looks like. I prepare them for their Xrays, their CT scans, their MRI’s and whatever exotic things the doctors come up with. I hold their hands when they are crying and I hand them tissues. Sometimes I cry with them. I help them to the bathroom and I wipe their bottom if they can’t. I change their sheets when they are in the bed. I turn and postion them as needed. I clean up a lot of blood, vomit, urine, and just about any other substance that comes out a body. I run IV fluids into their veins and sometimes into their eyes. I review their discharge instructions, I teach them about their medications and activities for when they go home. I escort them out the door. I decide which room the next patient is going to go to. I put that patient in the room.
I do this with five patients simultaneously.
When last we left our young lovers, She had just confessed to He that her feelings were more than the mutual friendship they’d both enjoyed for so long….
She “I had to tell you. Please, say something.”
He: (Pause, looks to right then left before looking at her) “What do I say?”
She (eyes watering.) Looks searchingly at him.
There is silence, they are looking into each other’s eyes. She looks hopeful. He looks pained.Finally, the moment is broken when She turns her head to the left side, takes a half step backward.
She (eyes downcast) “Im sorry, maybe you should go.”
He: (reaches out, hands to her shoulders) “Wait.”
She: “For what? You gave me your answer. Im an idiot to think that there could be more between us and now I probably ruined it all.”
He: (whispers) You didn’t ruin it. I was quiet because I couldn’t believe you said it.”
She (Looks up to him, tears shining, hopeful expression) “Really?”
He responds by kissing her. She sighs, they press together.
yadda yadda yadda
cue steamy sex scene.
*
Act 2: The next morning in her hotel room.
She wakes up with a smile, stirs and reaches across bed for him.
Bed is empty.
She sits up, checks shower. Also empty.
There is a note on the table. She reads it aloud.
“Im sorry. I can’t do this. I love you but not like that that.”
She crumples up the note, throws it on the ground.
She begins to cry.
and cut.
Recent Comments