So the summer flew by and we are facing labor day already.
::sigh…::
I cleaned out my garden this week, pulling the bits of grass and debris that took root, and trimming off the flowerheads that had seen better days. I found a rogue sunflower in the middle of it all, and realized that citronella REALLY likes to grow there.
Kind of sad, getting a garden ready for bed. There are still blooms to open of course, and my asters haven’t even started yet; but still, there is no sign of the tulips and daffodils that are sleeping beneath the warm earth, and I had to cut back my bleeding heart (finally). I left it up until the spiders that are born there every year had taken flight to their own homes.
Tank tops and shorts are soon to be replaced by fresh and crisp school clothes.
Alarms will have to be set again.
The neighborhood will be come strangely quiet at 7am, and will remain so until almost 3 pm…five days a week!
I used to look forward to this time of year when my kids were little…when I’d just about reached my limit of the bickering and bothering that brothers and sisters do.
(One year, one of the moms gave the bus driver gourmet cookies on the first day, to thank him for taking our lovely children away.)
Now however, when my life is more clearly able to be measured in seasons, I feel my own autumn beginning in my bones, and it makes it sad to see it reflected in the garden.
My hair has gone from blonde to brown, and now carries the hints of grey. Crow’s feet have settled into the corners of my eyes, and I have to tell myself “they are smile lines” more often than I used to.
Joints ache on those cool early mornings and I find myself oftentimes going to bed before my children.
Yes, autumn is coming to my garden soon.
My flowers are sprouted and grown, and ready to spread their petals to the sun.
And I am ready to remain, to root myself into the Mother Earth, to smile and nod over the newer sprouts, and to slumber under the earth when the weather becomes too chill.
After all, spring does come again..that is part of the promise.
And I will dance in Summerland with hair once again blonde.
Do you ever wonder if there is a running theme to your life?
I don’t mean something karmic, like a run of luck or something.
I mean more like, a common something that just keeps showing up, no matter what you do or don’t do. Something that happens so much, the significance is like a 2 X4 across the back of your head.
I have something like that going on. It has been going on for some time, and I’ve been aware of it for years. Recently though, it struck me that maybe there is deeper meaning than simple coincidence.
Its a WHOLE BUNCH of people in my life that have the same name.
I counted five people who are close to me in one way or another with the same name. My feelings for each one of them run in different directions, but deep nonetheless.
Last night I dreamed of one, and in the middle of the dream, another one of them came and actually said to me that he was interrupting the dream and taking it over. And he did.
Then today, I saw yet another person I know with the same name. (#6 but no emotional connection) It took me a while to recognize him, and I didn’t ever speak to him. But his eyes were on me for some time, several times. Ok so I admit it, it was fun being ‘checked out’ (god knows that doesn’t happen enough anymore!) but it was also fun wondering if he knew who I was, and watching him trying to figure it out. Or maybe he did know who I was, and just chose not to say anything, just chose to look. At me. A lot. (of course, I chose not to say anything to him either)
Very strange all around.
So I have to wonder if its a connection or a coincidence that people of that name always have some sort of significance for me. And I really wonder about the one who pushed the other one out of my dream…maybe that one (whom I haven’t seen in many years) will be showing up soon in real life.
Stay tuned.
And tell me here if you have any similar experiences.
You are supposed to:
Look at the list and:
1) Bold those you have read.
2) Italicise those you intend to read.
3) [Bracket] the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list on your own blog.
Okaaaay, here goes…..
1. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen not a fan but read for school
2. The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien great story
3. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte read for school
4. The Harry Potter series–JK Rowling–cannot get into these books!
5. ((To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee)) love this one
6. The Bible – I have read parts of it
7. [Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte - ahh doomed love…
8. Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell read it, wasn’t too impressed
9. His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11. Little Women – Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy read for school
13. Catch-22 – Joseph Heller hard to get into
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare – have read LOTS of shakespeare and loved most of it
15. Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien my favorite Tokien story
17. Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger Read for school, really like it
19. {{{The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger}}} love it!
20. Middlemarch – George Eliot
21. (((Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell))) LOVE IT
22. The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald meh
23. Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy ugg it took SO LONG
25. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams read it but not a huge fan
26. Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. ((Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck)) loved it
29. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll loved it
30. The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame only barely remember it
31. (((Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy))) another doomed love affair…sigh
32. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis oh yeah loved them
34. Emma – Jane Austen
35. Persuasion – Jane Austen
36. (((The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis))) my fave in the series
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini keep meaning to get this one
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40. Winnie-the-Pooh – AA Milne LOVED as a child
41. Animal Farm – George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45. The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46. (((Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery))) another childhood fave
47. Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy read for school
48. The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies – William Golding read a lot. love it
50. Atonement – Ian McEwan
51. High Fidelity – Nick Hornby
52. Dune – Frank Herbert read it, didn’t like it.
53. Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58. (((Brave New World – Aldous Huxley))) I love this one
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62. Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64. ((The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold))
65. Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas read this one en francais
66. On The Road – Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding read it, very pop, but funny
69. Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70. Moby-Dick – Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72. Dracula – Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses – James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath just looked at this one at the library today
77. Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal – Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession – A. S. Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83. (((The Color Purple – Alice Walker))) gotta love this one
84. The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web – EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94. Watership Down – Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
I had quite an interesting dream the other night, and after some reflection, I found the meaning in it.
I dreamed that my son, my husband, and my husband’s friend were all in a band. They all wore black. My son was playing drums, my husband was playing bass and my husband’s friend (T) was singing and playing guitar (which he does in real life).
Anyway, in this dream I was trying to sleep and upset that they were playing so loud in the living room.
So in the dream, I went to sleep and began to dream.
In this dream-within-a-dream, the guys were there, but we were outside in a Camelot-like place. There was a castle, the grass was simply verdant and lush and the sky was a bright blue. It was sunny but not hot. It was PERFECT.
There were people all around, wearing long robes of all different colors and they were singing. I was watching, very passive in this dream.
My husband’s friend was wearing a crown of roses.
My son was still all in black.
My husband was there but I just barely noticed him.
Another family member was walking around.
And the singing was led by Martin Short, of all people.
*
So at first I thought I just shouldn’t eat MnM’s before bed. But it struck me later…these characters, they are representative of tarot cards. There could be a meaning here.
The masses in the robes, they are the tarot cards that are not pulled.
Martin Short–that’s easy, he is the Fool.
My husband’s friend with the crown of roses–he is death.
My son all in black–I thought he was death too. But it feels more like the Tower on meditation.
The fact I didn’t notice my husband…he is not a part of this reading then. Its for me alone.
The family member walking around…I feel that is Wheel of fortune because he was completely unencumbered in this dream, and in real life, there are some issues.
So…
Fool
Death
Tower
Wheel of Fortune.
Its no lie that I’ve been asking my guides for messages, meanings, and to help iron out some wrinkles in my mind and heart.
The message as I see it:
Pay attention, look and watch where things are going. Big changes ahead if you are not careful they will take you by surprise. Cleansing, losing of some, gaining of others. Element of danger and loss but its all meant to be, fated, destined whatever.
Hmm.
Not the most positive of readings but my boys don’t lie.
Stay tuned, I guess.
I alluded to my boys recently and figured its time to explain them.
They are nameless but give me names to help me tell them apart. Josh and Alex, to be exact.
They are two spirit guides that have been with me for so long I am not sure when they WEREN’T there. They played with me a child and have always just been around me in some shape or form. I was pretty clueless for a long time though. Once the imaginary friends get packed away its hard to remember that they were there at all. I would dream of nameless/faceless people now and then. I know now that was them.
Several years ago, when I started to work seriously on my psychic and spiritual development, my boys came back to me in a way that I can actually feel and interact with them. First it was only Alex that I could manage to interact with, but there was a feeling that there was another with him, I just couldn’t get a good connection. I also had my primary guide with me, who comes to me as female and has no name. I have in fact often wondered if she is my guardian angel because she was also my guide thru my past life regressions.
Around the time I noticed Alex, I went to a psychic fair and managed to get myself a reading with one of our local top psychics. She told me, without me prompting, that there were two male energies around me and a woman as well. That was my verification.
Lately, since I have been open to them, the two have been hanging out with me now and again and I can sometimes feel their presence. I feel them standing just behind my left shoulder. (My female guide is often behind my right shoulder). They laugh a lot and that is part of their message. I often can tell when they are close by because I get an odd kind of warm chill–very hard to explain! The best way that I can get their messages is to use automatic writing, and I find some very interesting messages that way!
These guys are not angels. They are spirits that for whatever reason I have contracted with to be together this way. They are there to help me get thru this jungle of life.
So that is the explanation of the references to my boys. I think that we three have been together in many past lives in different situations and in fact, they tell me that I can access more past connections thru them. That is the next phase of my journey I suppose.
*
If you have read this far, you are likely wondering how to meet your own spirit guide. There are different ways; what worked best for me was meditation. I also found that getting together with a few other like-minded friends could build enough energy that it was easy to connect. Also, you can ask for dreams and start writing them down. Look for connections that way.
I will look around and post some general means in an upcoming post. Just remember that you are a child of God/Goddess and that you must put your white light around you. Keeps the baser trickster spirits away..
Psychic ability runs in my family, so its possible that I had an easier time meeting my boys than others. I don’t know for sure about that because I am the only one of my generation (that I know of) who actually has some ability. My daughter holds the ability, but is not ready to explore it. Her imaginary friends were very interesting and in fact, she had a negative spirit attach to her….(yep one of those baser spirits) it was interesting getting thru that phase…
I guess that’s a subject for a future post!
*
My guides and I were talking today (more about them in a soon to follow post)
I am told that all things happen and all things are possible with love.
I am told that love is the driving force, the connection that binds us together as human and as spirit.
I am told that laughter, love and learning are the major goals.
I am told that if you love someone, now is the time to tell them and don’t hide behind human fears of rejection. Soul-to-soul is the message here. Spark to spark.
Share your light.
BE a light.
None of this is news to anyone. But its a message that needs to be reinforced now and then.
Lightworkers are stirring again. Remember what it was like after 9/11? We banded together for spiritual healing. We are being called again, soon. Not that there is going to be an attack or anything. Just some more changes are coming.
Can you feel it? Do you see it in dreams? Do you smell it in the air?
Last night’s dream involved me having to write a story and having trouble coming up with an idea. I was stuck, frustrated, and bothered by the fact that for once…I didn’t have a thing to say! In the dream, I started writing with my left hand (I am right handed) and all the sudden the story flowed. Next part of the dream I was making moon water. This time instead of lavender, I put something lemony in it (possibly citronella but I am not 100% sure). It was supposed to help me bring more love into my life.
It was an interestng dream to say the least.
And of course, it got me to thinking.
First, I need to make more moon water. In case you are wondering, moon water is spring water that is left for three nights under the full moon. After three nights, you bottle it and save it and put some on your forehead and nape of your neck daily for 9 days. This is to help with your psychic abilities. I made some recently, and put lavender in it. It smelled great for about three days but I had to throw it out after that since the lavender got mushy and smelled weird. I learned that first, don’t use a cork stopper on the bottle and second, refrigerate it. So now that we are in a waning moon, I have to wait to make more. Banishing spells are made now and I am not out to banish, I am out to draw energy to me. So I will wait until the next cycle.
My dream is telling me to try the citronella (which grows like a maniac in my little garden!). So I will and I will see what happens. I know that using the lavender water I did some creepily accurate readings and remote viewings so I am excited to do more with the water!
*
Next, the dream spoke of thinking out of the box. In the dream, I couldn’t write in the normal way, so I had to write in an unconventional way (with my non-dominant hand) Given that there was a lot of psychic theme, I think that its a personal message to me that the channels are opening a little more. But in a global sense, the message to use your other hand..think about things a different way…would be helpful.
Next time you are stuck on an issue, idea, creation, whatever…think with your other hand. Look at the situation as a different person, in a different light, at a different angle…maybe put yourself in another person’s place as you try to find your way around the situation. Different persepctives usually offer different solutions. Also, don’t be afraid to try something new. I learned I can write with my left hand. Who knows what you might be able to do!
I might be just doing anything when I feel it. That sneaky crawl of goosebumps up the back of my neck to the crown of my head.
I turn quickly, expecting someone behind me, yet no one is there.
My heart speeds up, I get a clench in my stomach.
I feel it. I feel someone.
Where are you?
WHO are you?
Butterflies begin to dance in my stomach and my heart knocks in my chest.
I feel it again.
The caress of your thoughts.
The phone doesn’t ring.
There is no new email.
No one is at the front door.
Where are you?
You cannot be in my mind only
I cannot imagine this sudden
overwhelming
touch.
This
caress of thoughts.
Today my sister and I did something that neither of us wanted to do, but after it was done we felt really good.
I guess in a sense we grew up a little more.
The backstory is that our mother pissed us off about 2 months ago. And we told her (nicely) but therefore pissed HER off. And if anyone can hold onto a grudge, its our mother.
After 2 months of dealing with our mother’s passive-aggressiveness, my sister and I decided we needed to do something.
We consulted with one of our family sages, who advised just apologize and forget it. She has her feelings hurt, he told us. Tell her you’re sorry.
Hmm…
Well, neither of us are sorry that we told her what needed to be said. But we could, theorhetically, be sorry that she feels bad about it.
Ok, worked for us.
So we bought her a nice flowering plant and showed up at her work unannounced. She was in tears of happiness. Neither of us used the “S” word, but we did tell her we love her and she hugged us and cried a bit.
So it’s all good, I guess.
My sister didn’t want to do it at first, and I wasn’t looking forward to it either. I mean, after the iciness of the past two months, we certainly were not assured a warm welcome. But going to her work–a neutral place–was our best chance.
What it came down to was we made her feel good, and that made us feel good.
Then my sister and I went grocery shopping, and I locked the keys in the car…but that’s another story for another day.
How deep do you feel emotions? Do you think that you have any control over your emotions? Not control in terms of what you show to others, but control of what you truly, actually, deeply feel?
I have met people who have come across as so intense that their gaze almost hurts. I have met other people who are so shuttered that I have wondered if they have any emotion at all.
Maybe they are better at hiding things, or maybe they really feel little.
Me, I tend to be very reactive in my emotions. Its pretty evident in my writing.
I used to try to guard myself against being hurt by hiding and/or denying the feelings that made me feel uncomfortable. It was a defense mechanism I used during my parents’ divorce when I was a teenager and one that I still use to some degree with my mother.
But other than that, I tend to wear feeling out on my sleeve and in broad daylight. I can’t imagine hiding wonderful feelings of love or joy or happiness. However when I was younger, I was always scared to show positive emotion because I always just ‘knew’ that if I admitted to being happy or loving or whatever, something bad would happen.
I am glad that I have finally shed that destructive superstition.
My motto these days is to tell people how I feel when I feel positive towards someone. Does that make me emotionally intense, or just emotionally self-actualized? Some might claim obsessed, I suppose now I think about it. I make a habit of telling people that I appreciate them, or thanking people for helping me, or whatever positive thing I can think of. I like to brighten people’s days and I think that sharing a positive emotion is good for both parties involved.
And when someone hurts me, or I am angry, sad whatever…well, I am working on being able to verbalize those feelings. It’s hard though, isn’t it? I am going thru a time with my mother now where she is ‘punishing’ me and my sister because we nicely informed her to stop some behaviors that were unacceptable to us. That is the story of my life with my mother, so its not unexpected. But its also the reason why I am usually not very good at verbalizing the negatives.
So how do you react to others? How do you define your emotions-reactive? intense? well-hidden?
And how does your emotional response affect not only others, but you?
Do you think its healthy to deny emotions? Do you gulp them down in the name of keeping peace? Are you scared to tell someone that you care?
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