So today a person from my mother’s past called me looking for her number.
This is the man that my mother eventually left my father for. He showed up every few years during their marriage, trying to get my mother’s attention..and whatever else. Eventually he got it and then eventually after that, she walked out of the marriage. (and soon after, he walked too)
Now, I have always been kind of glad that the marriage failed for many reasons. Mostly because it allowed my father to find his true love, my stepmother, whom my sister and I completely adore and see as a mother. There are other reasons too…issues of my mother’s that I was glad she had to deal with outside the marriage instead of inside.
The greatest blessing of course, is that my mother left us with our dad. She didn’t go far…didn’t move across the country until several years after they split, and so we did have to have visits and whatnot. But we were effectively raised by our father. My sister and I will be eternally grateful for that.
My mom’s greatest act of selfishness (what mother leaves her kids?) actually turned out to be our greatest salvation.
So anyway…
This guy called. It is no surprise that his name is M…That name is one of significance in my life in several ways, and in several people.
I left a message with my mother to call me. But its the weekend. There will be much drinking and whatever at her house and she usually keeps her phone off. And I will be working so I might not actually touch base with her for several days.
I emailed him, and told him that I’d called her and would give her his contact info when she called me back.
Hmm
So now I look back and wonder…
What if he HADN’T ‘courted’ her thru her marriage? What if she HADN’T cheated on my dad and left….
where would I be?
Certainly not where I am now. I defintely would not have done many of the things I did that led to the chain reaction of having my son and the family that I now have.
My kids are my life, my loves and my heart.
I am pretty grateful that it all worked out like it did.
Which begs one to wonder…is it ever okay to cheat in your marriage?
Sure my mother’s infidelity caused great amounts of pain for us all. But I can look back over 25 years and see now that things are how they are because of her initial act of deceit. So does that make it right?
Are there ever times in a marriage or relationship its okay to cheat?
Troths have been plighted, rings exchanged…and now what? Is fidelity really forever?
Are there special circumstances? Is there ever a good enough situation where stepping out not the wrong thing to do?
I am sure people rationalize their infidelities in many ways.
“S/He doesn’t listen to me like you do.”
“S/He doesn’t want to have sex anymore.”
“S/He cheated on me first.”
“S/He and I dont have the special connection that you and I do.”
“You and I are special, our relationship transcends my marriage.”
“S/He doesn’t love me.”
“I don’t love him/her.”
“What s/he doesn’t know doesn’t count.”
Are any of these legitimate?
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